Covert narcissism is a form of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) that is characterized by a person’s need for admiration and validation, but with a more subtle and hidden presentation compared to overt narcissism. While overt narcissists may display grandiose behaviors and seek attention openly, covert narcissists tend to be more introverted and may appear humble or self-effacing on the surface. However, beneath this facade lies a deep sense of entitlement and a constant need for validation.

One of the key features of covert narcissism is the presence of mood swings. These mood swings can be intense and unpredictable, causing significant distress for both the individual experiencing them and those around them. Understanding the underlying causes of these mood swings is crucial in order to navigate relationships with covert narcissists and protect one’s own emotional well-being.

The Two Faces of Covert Narcissism: Public Persona vs Private Self

Covert narcissists are masters at presenting a carefully crafted public persona that is designed to garner admiration and attention from others. They may come across as kind, empathetic, and selfless, often going out of their way to help others or be seen as the “good guy.” This public image is carefully constructed to maintain their desired image of being humble and virtuous.

However, behind closed doors, the true self of a covert narcissist emerges. This private self is often filled with feelings of superiority, entitlement, and a deep need for validation. They may become easily angered or frustrated when they do not receive the attention or admiration they believe they deserve. This stark contrast between their public persona and private self can lead to intense mood swings as they struggle to maintain their desired image while also satisfying their insatiable need for validation.

The Role of Emotional Instability in Covert Narcissism

Emotional instability is a hallmark of covert narcissism and is closely tied to the intense mood swings experienced by individuals with this disorder. Covert narcissists often have a fragile sense of self-esteem and are highly sensitive to criticism or perceived slights. They may react with extreme anger or defensiveness when their self-image is threatened, leading to rapid shifts in mood.

These emotional swings can be confusing and exhausting for both the covert narcissist and those around them. It can feel like walking on eggshells, never knowing what might trigger an outburst or a sudden change in mood. This emotional instability can also make it difficult for covert narcissists to maintain stable relationships, as their partners may struggle to navigate the constant ups and downs.

The Connection Between Mood Swings and Narcissistic Supply

Narcissistic supply refers to the attention, admiration, and validation that covert narcissists crave. It is their lifeblood, providing them with a sense of self-worth and validation of their superiority. When a covert narcissist is not receiving the level of narcissistic supply they desire, it can trigger intense mood swings.

Mood swings in covert narcissism are often a result of the individual’s desperate attempts to regain control over their environment and secure the attention and validation they need. They may become manipulative, using tactics such as guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, or playing the victim in order to elicit the desired response from others. These mood swings can be seen as a form of emotional manipulation, designed to keep others on edge and constantly seeking to please the covert narcissist.

The Impact of Covert Narcissist Mood Swings on Relationships

The constant mood swings of a covert narcissist can have a profound impact on their relationships with others. Partners, family members, and friends may find themselves constantly walking on eggshells, never knowing what might set off an explosive reaction or trigger a sudden change in mood.

The emotional toll on loved ones can be significant. They may feel constantly on edge, anxious, and emotionally drained. The unpredictability of the covert narcissist’s mood swings can lead to a breakdown in trust and communication, as loved ones struggle to navigate the ever-changing emotional landscape.

The Use of Gaslighting and Projection in Covert Narcissist Mood Swings

Gaslighting and projection are two manipulative tactics commonly used by covert narcissists during their mood swings. Gaslighting involves distorting or denying reality in order to make the other person doubt their own perceptions or sanity. Covert narcissists may use gaslighting to deflect blame, avoid taking responsibility for their actions, or manipulate others into questioning their own experiences.

Projection, on the other hand, involves attributing one’s own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors onto someone else. Covert narcissists may project their own insecurities or negative traits onto others as a way to avoid confronting their own flaws. This can be particularly damaging during mood swings, as the covert narcissist may lash out at others and then project their own anger or frustration onto them.

Triggers and Patterns: Identifying Covert Narcissist Mood Swings

While the triggers for mood swings in covert narcissism can vary from person to person, there are some common patterns to look for. Criticism or perceived criticism is a major trigger for many covert narcissists, as it threatens their fragile sense of self-esteem. They may react with anger, defensiveness, or withdrawal when they feel attacked or criticized.

Other triggers may include situations where they feel ignored or overlooked, situations that threaten their desired image of being humble or virtuous, or situations where they are not receiving the level of attention or admiration they believe they deserve. By identifying these triggers and patterns, loved ones can better anticipate and navigate the mood swings of a covert narcissist.

The Intersection of Covert Narcissism and Borderline Personality Disorder

Covert narcissism and borderline personality disorder (BPD) share some similarities, particularly in terms of emotional instability and mood swings. However, there are also important differences between the two disorders.

While both covert narcissism and BPD involve intense mood swings, individuals with BPD often experience a broader range of emotions and may have difficulty regulating their emotions. Covert narcissists, on the other hand, tend to have a more limited emotional range and may primarily experience anger or frustration in response to perceived threats to their self-image.

It is also worth noting that individuals can have traits of both covert narcissism and BPD, as the two disorders can overlap. This can make diagnosis and treatment more complex, as the individual may exhibit a combination of narcissistic and borderline traits.

Coping Strategies for Dealing with Covert Narcissist Mood Swings

Managing mood swings in a covert narcissist can be challenging, but there are strategies that can help. One important tip is to set clear boundaries and communicate your needs and expectations clearly. This can help to establish a sense of stability and predictability in the relationship.

It is also important to prioritize self-care and seek support from trusted friends or family members. Taking care of your own emotional well-being is crucial when dealing with the intense mood swings of a covert narcissist.

Additionally, it can be helpful to educate yourself about covert narcissism and seek professional help if needed. Therapists who specialize in personality disorders can provide guidance and support in navigating relationships with covert narcissists.

Seeking Professional Help: Therapy for Covert Narcissism and Mood Swings

Therapy can be an invaluable resource for individuals with covert narcissism and their loved ones. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore the underlying causes of the mood swings and help develop coping strategies for managing them.

Types of therapy that may be helpful for covert narcissism include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which can help individuals identify and challenge distorted thoughts and beliefs, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which focuses on emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness.

It is important to note that therapy for covert narcissism can be challenging, as individuals with this disorder may struggle with self-reflection and taking responsibility for their actions. However, with the right therapist and a willingness to engage in the therapeutic process, significant progress can be made.

Moving Forward in the Face of Covert Narcissist Mood Swings

Dealing with the mood swings of a covert narcissist can be incredibly challenging, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. Seeking support from loved ones and professionals can provide a lifeline in navigating these difficult relationships.

Setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and seeking therapy are all important steps in protecting your own emotional well-being. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and do not hesitate to reach out for help if you need it.

Moving forward in the face of covert narcissist mood swings requires strength and resilience, but with the right support and resources, it is possible to find healing and create healthier relationships.